Children-parent relations in Hong Kong still a work in progress

Parents complain about the misbehavior of their children and worry about them - often for good reasons. Raising children is not easy. It is financially burdensome and emotionally testing. Given the huge sacrifices that parents have made for their children, parents generally would expect that their children should at least be grateful.

But children often disappoint, and they disappoint not only because they often are not grateful, but also because they often do not seem to try to do what appears to be their duty. Instead, they chat on the phone too much; play on-line games and electronic games far too long; and they also make a mess of the place and seldom clean up after themselves. For all these reasons, parents are often full of anger. And anger breeds abuse.

The problem is that many parents are unaware that they are abusive when they use language that hurts. They think that under the circumstances being angry is natural, and scolding them loudly is natural and therefore acceptable. They think that their children are hurting them, and are frustrated that while they try very hard to turn their children's behavior around, they apparently are being pushed further and further away from them.

The sad thing is that many parents are at the same time overly protective. From an early age they never ask their children to do any housework. They never ask "because their children only make a mess and would not get the job done the way it should be," "because the broom and the mops are too dirty," "because it is the housemaid's job," "because they already have too much homework to do," and "because they do not want to do the work," etc, etc.

According to the report, which was released last week, "70 percent of student respondents state that parents 'scold you loudly when you make mistakes' to a different extent every month. Over 65 percent of them point out that parents 'make comparisons of you with others' and 'quarrel with family members in front of you' at least once a month. Half of the student respondents state that parents have scolded them using insulting language, used foul language in front of them and thrown away their personal belongings without noticing them. What's more, more than 10 percent of student respondents point out that parents use foul languages, make comparisons of them with others and scold them loudly more than 10 times a month."

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