Knight in Shining Armor Syndrome

When I lived in the US this wasn’t a problem for me. Perhaps because the women there are cows with attitudes of super models or because I wasn’t ready emotionally, nah, it was because of the cow thing. In Thailand however, there are young and beautiful women everywhere. Sure, many of them I am exposed to are working girls but they’re not the same as the working girls back home which might have something to do with it.

During my first embarrassing trip down lover’s lane a friend told me about “Knight in Shining Armor Syndrome“. He said that it’s built into us as men that we need to rescue women. Also, that basing a relationship on this was a bad thing. He saw me going down the path and was trying to help but I was in too deep and shrugged off his advice.

My first girlfriend here was indeed a working girl. I even paid her lifetime bar to rescue her from the cold GoGo pole she was forced to two-step by every night. She also struggled with viscous co-workers, a poor and troubled family to support, and an addiction to certain ‘things’. I swept in with my 10,000 baht and whisked her away in a not so shiny Tuk-Tuk.

The relationship however ended up horribly. I’ve wrote about how breaking up is hard to do before and the pain of the breakup kept me from having another relationship for a while but I keep getting sucked in. I’ve learned quite a bit and hear all the horror stories from other Punters and still I keep falling.

I recently got sucked in again and it was yet another rescue me situation. It’s so difficult not to. She was ripe for the rescuing, 21 years old, smart, funny, wacky, and such a beauty. Within a week we were talking about living together. I knew I would lose my membership at The FS2M blog or at least get banned from posting or commenting for a month for such behavior but I continued on. Luckily her mentally ill side came out and I ended it as cheap Pratunaam pumps and a bowl of soup were being hurled at me in the early hours of the morning.

Why do I keep doing this? I don’t know but I decided to turn to Google for advice. I typed in “Knight in Shining Armor Syndrome Men” and luckily 70,300 results came back. The first one was an article aptly named “Knight in Shining Armor Syndrome” by Lucia Demasi. Lucia or at least her picture is pretty hot and looks like she’s been around the block a bit. Her bio and pic. I love this:

“With over 20 years experience on the relationship market, Lucia has dated men of all nationalities in six cities, four countries and two continents. Her practical know-how makes her the perfect candidate to dispense relationship advice – after all, in almost every dating dilemma she has been there, done that and lived to tell about it.”

Sounds like a real worldly slut but then again who wants advice from a virgin. Her article here is pretty enlightening on this subject. Sure, it’s a bunch of birds cackling and trying to explain men’s behavior but it’s also what my friend was trying to tell me earlier on. That is, be careful about entering relationships mainly based on trying to save a damsel in distress.

The second of the 70,300 results is a book on Amazon titled “A Knight in Shining Armor: Understanding Men’s Romantic Illusions“. An editorial review of this book:

“Hornstein (psychology, Columbia Univ.) argues that many men believe they must act as “knights in shining armor” in their relationships with women. He categorizes such men as: ministers who believe they must “provide or do for women”; educators who “guide or do to women”; or Lancelots who “protect women or do in front of women.” He provides interviews with men who exemplify these types, and theorizes that this “Man-Servant Syndrome” is the counterpart to Colette Dowling’s “Cinderella Complex.” Relationships based on such thinking and behavior, he feels, are doomed to failure. Hornstein’s insights are a boon to the current state of male-female relationships. The book is well written, easily read, and recommended.”

Okay, with these two Google hits under my belt I now understand my situation a little better and probably need to look inside a bit. If I don’t the temptation here is probably greater than anywhere else and I will surely fall again. I know I know, I should stop my bitching. I’m 40+ and I’m complaining about breaking up with 20-25 year old stunners. Nonetheless, it’s not good for me or for the damsels so we’ll just have to see. In the meantime I sent Lucia an email to see if she will be coming to Thailand anytime soon.